Wednesday, June 10, 2009

This is it! Am i?

Well, I really don't understand anymore. I am quite confused. Just today, I tried to tell him that all i want is FREEDOM. I'm still like hanging at this moment since we are not seriously talking about it yet, since we just got back our relationship last month. Last night, when he called me i sounded like monotonous and our conversation was so dry. I reasoned out that i was just tired from work where in fact, i am no longer happy with him. I feel so numb with him anymore since the last week when we failed to keep in touch or contact with each other. Yeah, during last week i tried to understand the flaws in our relationship because we're both busy. Yet, his more busy than me because he needed to concentrate with his review in Nursing board exam last week, June 5-6. He didn't even text me or call me huh to greet for our "monthsary". With that, i did not greet him as well since i was really waiting for him to do so as well as, if he can still rememebr. Unluckily, there was none! I tried to understand and just took for granted all of those flaws. I never sent him him any messages too 'coz iw as really like waiting for him. Unexpectedly, it turned worst. I came to realize that he is no longer important to me. His importance to me vanishes even just for almost a week with no contact. I realized how tough it is when you're having a long distance relationship and there are guys out there who'll like trying to get your attention. Hey, I'm just a normal gal who easily falls and get attracted with, especially that i am exploring and trying to look for that someone to love and love me more than I do! naks! yeah, honestly.

I think the main reason of all of this is the happiness and the attention i got from the people who keep on showing their affection to me. Hahay, because of our weak relationship it did break down. I really feel so sad about it. Somehow, i cant deny that i do love him. Even before, though there were others who tried to express their feelings and admiration to me, i won't just entertain them. I just simply ignore it since i already have him whom i love and like. Until such time, that i get weak to hold on to him. Now, yes,i admit that it 's really my fault, since i keep on denying that i have relationship with someone. I always deny that i have boyfriend. As an outcome, i was caught by someone's attention which turns me numb to him and his importance to me is slowly fading.

Whenever i think about it especially him i would feel the pain. I'm still like hurt of what is happening. Actually, I do like and love him. Imagine, i still gave him the chance to start again with our relationship. Unfortunately, we were not able to work it out for the better. It turned worst. Maybe because we are far from each other. It is only the cellphone which makes our relationship runs however, we're unable to for a week with no contact and for the very shallow reason. Above all, it's just the feeling is fading little by little. So, i decided to end this up before i would hurt him more or he would hurt me again. tsk. how sad. You know, i still have the thought that maybe i would regret with my decision of letting him go. The reason why i keep on asking myself if i do really make a good decision. huhu. Hopefully! And hopefully, he would understand and accept whatever it is. However, there is still a hope in me that i'm gonna find someone who's right for me, in God's glory! The man who would make me say, "Oh God, You are the one!".